That’s right! These oddly patterned, chewing-medium holders are sure to compliment hipsters of all sizes! They’ll match perfectly with your other essentials, like hairbrush covers, scarf tassles, and berets.
Thanks, Orbit gum. No, no, really.
Let Stylish Gum Packages Die
Photo Credits: Here
Third time’s the charm? Eh, maybe not.
“Is this ad relevant to you?” - As much as I appreciate the gall you have, Hulu, to want simple survey data to influence advertisers (and I’m guessing future targeted ads), I’ve yet to really see ads relevant to me. Maybe the product or service seems interesting, I’ll grant you that, but usually the style in which that item is conveyed? Nah, no dice. If you’re really wonder, I only look forward to a few ads each year, such as the Garmin Christmas commercials, and Super Bowl Advertisements.
Pushy Periodical Placement - First it was the annoying cards that fall out of the magazine. Then, it was the “shorter than all the other pages so it’s harder to avoid” trick. Now, I’ve noticed some publications (I’m looking at you, PCWorld and Reader’s Digest) have advertisements that are physically part of the cover. And I’m talkin’ full-page stuff. PCWorld’s ad was attached by that fun, rubbery glue stuff that you can play with after you peel off the offending ad, with a real cover beneath. The advertisement on Reader’s Digest, however, was a fold-out on the cover – in order for it to be removed, one would need to cut or tear off the section.
Cunningly Covering ‘Close’ – Well, I supposed these ads don’t cover the button, but they instead force the close button to “load”. Because, clearly, that makes sense – the ENTIRE ADVERTISEMENT would load faster than all of a 10×10 pixel ‘[x]‘ button.
While the ads may not get on my nerves sometimes, the new ways in which they are being presented certainly can.
Let Even More Annoying Advertisements Die
Photo Credits: Here
“$1299.99″
Curled at the edges due to age, the sign displaying that singular price stares back at me when I look at the forlorn gumball machine outside of Spencer’s Gifts.
What a novel idea – surely someone would love to own their very own gumball machine! Also, it’s too heavy to steal un-noticed, so it’s PERFECT to draw people inside the store! Coupled with the popularity of gum, how could this offer fall through?
That was probably the argument the store proprietor thought of when he originally bought the four-foot device with a see-through, spiral stand. Even the best-laid plans can go awry, and while I can’t be sure that the gumball machine didn’t draw people in to the store, I know that no one has, with gumball machine in tow, come out of it. And so, for eight years has that red-trimmed automated vendor sat there, all but abandoned by thoughts of practicality.
Yes, years. Considering how the price of the machine has never been revised, nor has the sign ever been jostled from its original position inside the glass of the machine, I am begrudgingly led by my imagination to one harrowing conclusion:
The gum in that machine is eight years old.
I’m not very sure about the hardiness of gum, but something inside me retches at the idea of eating food that’s approaching a decade-old existence. This isn’t full of fine wine or fancy cheese, here, either – it’s chemicals and flavorings in hardened, ball form. Maybe knowing that they’d still be perfectly fine is an even more disturbing thought…
Thinking about it in terms of the gum’s age certainly must have off-put any prospective buyer many a year ago. Or perhaps it was the high price tag. Or the heft of the machine. Or thinking about the true applications of a personal gumball machine.
Maybe it’s time to fill that gumball machine with wine and cheese.
Let The Gumball Machine For Sale In My Local Mall Die
Photo Credits: Here
